Mikey... My Brother, My Friend, My Protector...

March 2010

" I have the bestest big brother in the world! "

I remember saying that to my friends when I was in elementary school...

Mikey, my big brother was always there to protect me, and my little friends were envious. He is three years older than me, and we did fight a lot growing up, but when the chips were down, Mikey was always there for his little sister.

And he still is.

Growing up, I remember in our family that there were always two groups, the three older sisters- Fran, Cherie, and Lizzy... and then there was Mikey and me.  I had the privilege of being the only girl in the family that had a big brother... I always looked up to him, even when he did the usual stuff a big brother would do to torment a little sister...

Such as jumping out from the bushes in the dark and scaring the crap out of me... locking me in a wooden box for what seemed like hours, but was probably just a few minutes...telling me that he really was "the Boston Strangler"- he was so convincing that I wouldn't fall asleep at night until I knew he was  in his bed in a deep, deep slumber. I knew then, and only then that I would be safe, ( I am laughing as I write this) and last, but not least, staging a scene at the dinner table, right out of  that horribly scary movie "Mark of The Devil"...

One evening during dinner, I remember looking at my brother across the table, I noticed a strange look on his face, and his eyes were beginning to bulge out . I thought, "Oh no, he looks like he is ready to puke !" When all of a sudden dark red goo starts gushing out of his mouth (in "Mark of The Devil, someone has their tongue cut out- the scene was very graphic...) I scream in horror...Ma and Pa are clueless to what is happening... I gasp for air, too upset to talk..Then my mother sighs, and points out that it is just beet juice...Mikey laughs..

Oh yes, of course. How silly of me. Beet juice.We were having beets as our main vegetable that evening, How clever.

Surprisingly Ma, was very calm about it, and told my brother that he should respect his food. Pa didn't say anything. He wasn't too impressed, but I swear I saw him smile at him...I sat there, fighting back the tears, I vowed that one day I would get even...Boy did I scheme and connive...but never had enough nerve to follow through with my insane plans.

I couldn't because aside from the dark, mean spirited jokes, I loved my brother dearly, and I knew deep down inside he loved me.  I remember when I was in third grade he would occasionally walk me to my dance classes because Papa would be working late. Mikey would sit there patiently  with the other parents, and watch while I danced my little heart out. I'll never forget one time  on the walk home, he helped me practice a dance step that I was having difficulty with - the camel walk..He said," You can do it. It's easy San,  just watch."... as he walked a few steps ahead of me demonstrating, he talked me through it saying, "Just pick up your heal and rest the weight on the bottom of your foot...roll the ball of your foot..see?" I caught up with him and tried over and over again.What a sight that must have been- my big brother Mikey, casually doing the camel walk, hands in pocket, and me right behind him, trying to follow suit. I believe we camel walked all the way home that night, and yes, I did master that difficult dance step...thanks to my big brother..

We became closer as we got older- he taught me how to drive a stick shift in his beloved Pinto.( remember those cute little cars?) He didn't kill me when I rolled it into the back of a truck, and caused some minor damage, or when I drove it through the neighbor's fence, almost into their pool. I knew he wanted to, but all he did was look at me and said, " San, what did you do?!"... I honestly don't know if I would have reacted the same way, had the roles been reversed ...

When he was in college, he would ask me for help whenever he had projects -he was studying to be an architect, and he needed help with the lettering ( his penmanship was like chicken scratch-still is- thank goodness for computers!)We would stay up all hours of the night, trying to get his projects done on time...and we always managed to...

For a brief period,  I dated one of his friends- he dated one of mine (both relationships didn't work out) We became even closer ... advising each other about our 'loves'... ( 'What does she like to do', 'What does he like to eat' ... things of that nature..). We developed a mutual understanding and respect for each other. When those relationships came to an end, we knew the other would be there to sit and listen, and jointly put an Indonesian curse on their ex's soul ...

Don't worry...I am just kidding....I think...

*evil smile*

During my "dating phase", my parents were very strict, my social life was very regulated, and limited- my big brother Mikey always stood up for me. I remember one time, I came home a little bit after my curfew and the doors were locked, I had no key.( I am sure my parents wanted to make a point) There they were watching Johnny Carson...ignoring my frantic knocking on the door. (I was just a few minutes late). I didn't know what to do, almost reduced to tears, all of a sudden my brother appeared out of nowhere, and unlocked the door for me...my hero ! My parents weren't too happy...I was afraid of what  would be said. Mikey just went straight upstairs to his room...I followed suit and went to mine...I think our parents were dumbfounded... nothing was said. However I did get a lecture the following day...but that was okay, I knew it was coming.

Then I met my future husband Dave, and we decided to get married. To make a long story short, my parents did not attend my wedding. I hated the idea of walking down the aisle alone...being painfully shy, the thought horrified me. Again,  my big brother came to the rescue. He told me that he would be honored to walk down the aisle with me. I was so touched by this gesture....I will never forget that moment when the cue for us  to make our entrance came. He looked at me so seriously at first, then smiled and whispered in my ear that he loved me. As I grabbed his big, strong arm,my big brother Mikey firmly placed his hand over mine as we walked down the aisle together...

He gave me such a wonderful gift that day. From that point on,  I knew that I would never be alone, I knew that I could always count on my brother. I knew that whenever I needed him, he  would always come to be by my side, no matter what...

I was not wrong.

When I finally decided to share the cancer news with someone in my family, Mikey immediately came to mind. I knew he would understand. I just wanted  to be able to talk to someone on my side of the family...someone who wouldn't ridicule  my choices, or badger me into doing something that I truly didn't want to  do...I knew I could count on him and trust him with my life...

So I don't know why it moved me to tears when he announced that he would be attending each Saturday healing class with me. Mikey, my skeptical, analytical brother, the one who needs proof of everything, was giving up his Saturday evenings to show his support for me.

At the Haverhill class, he quietly sits beside me, listening, meditating, supporting me...Sometimes we have the company of Tiana, Dave, or Joan...but for the most part it's him and me ...

Occasionally I will glance at him while he is meditating during healing class, eyes closed, looking so serious...my mind drifts to the days long gone by...  I imagine the two of us young, and carefree, playing the silly jokes on each other, doing late night school projects, arguing, talking, laughing,  ...

More often then not, I think of the day when he placed his  hand so firmly over mine before walking down the aisle, whispering that he loved me...I feel the love he has for me... I know he wants me to beat this cancer...and his support means the world to me ...

Again my mind goes back to our childhood days, Mikey teaching me that difficult dance step. I can hear him saying, "You can do it. It's easy San, just watch"...

I feel in my heart that I can do it.  I will do it. I will overcome this illness and live to a ripe old age... It's just so wonderful to see my brother sitting here, right by my side, supporting me, loving me, believing in me. I realize he always has, and always will be here for me, no  matter what.

I truly love my brother, my friend, my protector.  After all ," I have the bestest big brother in the world! "

"There's no other love like the love for a brother.
There's no other love like the love from a brother."
~Astrid Alauda