"It's definitely cancer."
For as long as I live I will never forget the impact those words had on my soul.
You always hear and read about how people feel when something horrible has happened in their lives... "It felt like I had the rug pulled out from under me" , or "My heart felt like it stopped .", or "I swear, the whole world came crashing down around me"...
Personally, I only have really, really felt that way a few times in my life. The greatest one being, when my father passed away unexpectedly over 6 years ago...
My brother had called a little before midnight and said "Pa just had a heart attack-it's really bad, San"
What? I had just left him earlier that day before he checked into the hospital. He was scheduled to have a pacemaker put in.( a supposedly easy routine procedure). I was with him yesterday and spent the night with him and Mom, We went shopping and bought new pajamas, new socks and underwear because he wanted those for his stay at the hospital...
No, this can't be right. He was so animated and talkative...telling me stories that I heard so many times before, but never got tired of hearing...No, Mike must have heard it wrong. I jumped out of bed ,went to our second floor apartment and told Dave that we needed to get to Leahy Clinic in Burlington immediately...
I think we got there in 15 minutes flat.We lived in Haverhill at the time, and it was after midnight-no traffic-we flew. I vaguely remember getting to the hospital, taking the elevator, and then when we got to his floor, looking for Papa...
We walked by a room with the door slightly opened and I noticed someone lying in the bed, their back facing the doorway, messy, salt/ pepper hair peeking out from under the sheets. I thought it was Pa, so I started to go in. Dave stopped me, he suggested that we speak to a nurse first.
There was someone at the nurse's station, and I asked to see my Dad. I explained to her that we got a call that he had a heart attack. I asked if he was okay, and may I please see him? She looked at me puzzled , so I repeat what I had just told her. She said, "I just spoke with his son-in law, didn't he tell you?" I am confused -why would Eddie call me and tell me what is going on? I slowly say, "No....what?" She tells me " I am sorry, he didn't make it."....
At that moment,it felt like a huge vacuum had just swallowed me up into some deep, dark abyss... I started to gasp for air...catch my breath..Oh my God! Oh my God! Does Mom know?...Oh my God...no tears... total shock...can't breath...I finally catch my breath... I can't think...my head feels like it will explode...
That is exactly how I felt when I heard those horrible words...
"It's definitely cancer."
Oh my God!.. This is some mistake..Oh my God! What will happen when my kids find out?...Oh my God! Mom, she's living with me, she has an aneurysm, we can't tell her this... Oh my God ! This can't be... Jane's pregnant, I am going to become an Oma...Dave, oh my God !...
DAVE.
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